ESM's 9 Definitive Rules of Style.

ESM’s 9 Definitive Rules of Style.

Over the past few years we’ve slowly been developing our own style rules.

Primarily, we wanted to create a list that was realistic, easy-to-follow and something which can be used by any man in any situation.

We also wanted to integrate insight we’ve learned throughout the years of interviewing beautiful women from our WEEKLY FIX article series, as well as our interviews with style bloggers and interject some of our own personal style musings we’ve learned since we’ve started ESM.

Finally, we wanted a set of style rules that kicked everyone else’s asses out of the water.

So without further ado, we are proud to present you ESM’s 9 definitive rules of style.  Take notes, bitches.

Rule #1: Give a fuck.

The great philosopher Lao Tzu once said: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”

Ergo, the first thing you gotta get right in your style journey is – givingafuck.

Seriously, if you ever met a girl who looked like our Weekly Fix Elena Belle, wouldn't you want to care about how you looked? Image by Cavan Clark.

Seriously, if you ever met a girl who looked like our Weekly Fix Elena Belle, wouldn’t you want to care about how you looked? Image by Cavan Clark.

You absolutely have to wake up from whatever B.S. excuse you keep telling yourself as to why you dress like ass every day and realize it’s time to grow the fuck up and be a man.

Otherwise, you’re wasting your time and ours by reading our website.  Go off and read Guns and Ammo or some other magazine.

Rule #2: It takes a lot of practice to look good.

If there is one modern dude who is on all men’s style blogger’s lists as one of the best dressed men in the world today it’s David-mother-freaking-Beckham.

Do the research.  No homo, but dude always has his style game on point.  ON POINT!

But do you think he escaped his mother’s womb in a three-piece suit, with perfect hair and a flawlessly trimmed beard?  Do you think he wakes up and picks whatever the hell he wants out of his wardrobe and it all looks good?

Of course not!  That shit takes years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years of practice.

Much like his soccer skills, he’s honed his mastery of the dark style arts through endless hours of figuring out what works and what doesn’t work for him.

So once you get your ass in gear (see: Rule #1) and decide you want to get your style game going, you’re going to have to put in the time (see: LOTS OF FUCKING TIME).

Sorry boys, but there’s no way around it.

Rule #3: Smoking hot chicks don’t want you to wear suits every day.

To be honest, we have interviewed a lot of really, really beautiful women throughout the years and asked them for their style advice.

And “God, I wish dudes wore more suits every day” was never uttered by any of them.  Ever.

Weekly Fix Montana Tucker tells us "For everyday wear, I typically like when men dress classically – a good pair of fitted jeans, a well fitted shirt and a nice pair of loafers."

Weekly Fix Montana Tucker tells us “For everyday wear, I typically like when men dress classically – a good pair of fitted jeans, a well fitted shirt and a nice pair of loafers.”

Want to know what we heard over and over again? “I love it when guys wear a fitted t-shirt and jeans.”

You heard that right my brothers:  T-SHIRT. JEANS.   You don’t have to stress out about wearing that single-notch lapel ensemble with a pocket square and flower pin to impress even the most smoke-show of ladies.

BUT, there was a caveat… beautiful women love it when men wear a well-fitted suit to the appropriate occasion (like date night or a wedding).

Ever seen that meme which says “a well tailored suit to women is like lingerie to men”?  Well that shit is absolutely, unequivocally, 100% true.

You just don’t have to wear your James Bond, Suit & Tie shit every day, but have it on the ready when the time is right.

Like Batman.

Rule #4: You don’t have to pay the cost to look like a boss.

We’ve interviewed a ton of style bloggers.

Want to know the one main thing we learned?  Some of the best men’s style bloggers don’t shop at the most expensive places.

Akil McLeod from Dapper Advisor doesn't always go to high-end stores to cop the best gear. Check out the full interview here.

Akil McLeod from Dapper Advisor doesn’t always go to high-end stores to cop the best gear. Check out the full interview here.

They’ve just taken the time to figure out their style (see: Rule #2) and spent a lot of time going to different places to find pieces that work for them.

And yes, sometimes those places are the thrift store (yo DJ, cue Macklemore) and sometimes those places are at your local mutherfuckin’ mall.

Rule #5: Get a fucking haircut.

We have to be honest with you – it’s pretty fucking embarrassing we even have to spell this one out.

Luigi back when he had questionable hair choices. And before he chopped it all off.

Luigi back when he had questionable hair choices. And before he chopped it all off.

And no, we don’t mean cut your long hair short.  We mean: Clean. Your shit. Up.  We mean: Spend a little money to get a good haircut or trim.  And shave.  And trim those damn nails.

Just general hygiene, really.

It’s like the cheapest thing you can spend on to improve your style.  So why the hell aren’t you doing it?

Rule #6: Stop being a fatass.

We’re not trying to be mean with this one.  But seriously, stop being a fatass.

Luigi when he first tried out P90X for the Becoming Bond article series.

Luigi when he first tried out P90X for the Becoming Bond article series.

Get off your couch.  Exercise.  Start eating right.  Stop eating those bacon cancer sticks.

Not only will you feel like a million bucks, but you’re going to look like a million bucks in that badass tailored suit you just bought yourself because you lost weight.

Rule #7: Have manners and don’t be an asshole.

We would rather hang out with super cool mutherfuckers who dress like shit than total asshole jerks who dress in the finest suits and drink the most hobnobiest of wines.

All day, any day.

And we’re pretty sure we’re not alone in this sentiment.  So if you don’t have manners, learn some.  If you’re an asshole?  Stop being one.

It’s simple, really.

Rule #8:To be unique, you must bend the rules.  Not break them.

Here’s something we learned over the years: the best dressed dudes in the world pretty much dress the same.

They make sure their suits are tailored, they try to find clothes that fit well, they make sure certain color palettes work well together.

So to dress well, you kind of need to learn the rules they all live by.

Our boy Jojo knows all the rules and knows the best ways to break them. View the full interview here.

Our boy Jojo knows all the rules and knows the best ways to break them. View the full interview here.

Once you learn that, you can add your own unique dash of style, like mix plaids and paisley (ya rebel), or wear some funky colored socks, or wear that bright pink tie with a gun on it.

But don’t break the mutherfuckin style rules, bro.  That’s like grounds for chopping off your finger because you’re in the style Yakuza now.

Rule #9: Style is only 10%.  Having a kick-ass life is the remaining 90.

Here’s a rule no other style magazine, style blogger or style advisor has ever put on paper: you have to get your life game right the same time you get your style game tight.

John Temerian, President of Lou La Vie has both his life game and style game on lock. View the full article here.

John Temerian, President of Lou La Vie has both his life game and style game on lock. View the full article here.

Want to know why Tom Brady looks so fucking good in those suits?  It’s because he’s got a bunch of Superbowl rings on his hands and he’s got one of the hottest wives on the planet.

So having incredible style and an unaccomplished life is akin to spraying Acqua di Gio on a piece of dog shit.  Might smell good in the beginning, but at the end of the day it’s still dog shit.

But if you have your life-game on point, it’s like putting a new paint job on a LaFerrari.  It looks fantastic, but even if the paint job sucked, it would still be a mutherfucking multi-million dollar Ferrari.

Right?

ESM

To create Essential Style for Men, mix 2 parts petrol, 1 part secret agent, 1 part rock and roll, 1 part hip-hop and a shot of tequila in a shaker with ice and vigorously shake for 20 seconds. Pour into a martini glass rimmed with explosives and have a supermodel serve for all your friends to enjoy.