Affordable roses? Check his receipt - Costco, player! Image courtesy of Brand X Pictures/Thinkstock.

Alright fellas, this is the SECOND reminder that Valentine’s day is around the corner.  I know I titled this article “affordable” Valentine’s Day presents, but it really should be titled “Valentines for the cheap-ass known as you”.

As a general rule of thumb, the cheapest and most affordable Valentine’s day presents are the ones that are well thought out.  Stop smoking the ganja for a second and use your brain cells to recall something your significant other has said in the past she’s always wanted or wanted to do or – heaven forbid – wanted you to do for the longest time.  Has she asked you to paint the house?  Do it.  Clean up the garage?  Make it happen.  Shave?  Go for it.  Shower?  I’m suprised you have a girlfriend to begin with.

If you’ve got an artistic talent, use it.  Write that poem, paint that painting, create that collage you’ve been thinking about and surprise her with it.  If you have no talent, one of the more affordable and creative things to do will be to put together a photo album with the two of you in it.

I’m pretty sure there have been quite a few photos posted of the two of you in Picasa or Kodak Gallery where you can order photos online.  If you’re cheap and lazy, have your mom or sister put it together for you.  Just let them know there will be an extra Washington in it for them if they do a good job.

Have neither artistic talent nor a sibling you can push around?  Try something that requires your own physicality: give her a massage.  Set up the room for something romantic and do your best impression of a massage therapist.  Who knows?  You might get a happy ending.  Just make sure you don’t cramp your fingers in the process.  And no, 5 minutes doesn’t count as a full massage.

And lastly, why not spend the evening watching her favorite romantic comedy/period film?  Suck it up, sucka.  You can do it for one night.  Trust me, it won’t kill you.  Even if it feels like your eyeballs are coming out of their sockets.

In any case, start thinking about your plans now.  The longer you wait, the less options you are going to have.

Good luck!

ESM

To create Essential Style for Men, mix 2 parts petrol, 1 part secret agent, 1 part rock and roll, 1 part hip-hop and a shot of tequila in a shaker with ice and vigorously shake for 20 seconds. Pour into a martini glass rimmed with explosives and have a supermodel serve for all your friends to enjoy.