Uh, probably because he looks like Matt Damon and works out. Image courtesy of Stockbyte/Thinkstock.

Alright fellas, it’s time for the straight skinny for single guy advice.

Have you ever pined over a certain female friend but always wondered why she spent so much time with her gay friend?  Have you ever wondered why she always says that if he were straight she would totally sleep with him?  Have you ever wondered why she says that about him but never says that about you?

Well it’s time to let the cat out of the bag.  Here are the 5 reasons why she wants to sleep with her gay best friend instead of you:

Reason #1: He takes care of himself.
As you are reading this article, do me a favor and take a look at yourself in the mirror.  My guess is that you look a little disheveled, didn’t shave, didn’t iron your shirt and you maybe showered.

Now take a look at her gay friend.  Well put together, clean, well dressed and well groomed.  Now compare the two.  You kind of feel like you need a shower and a shave now,  right?

We’re not saying you should go out there and buy pink socks, either.  But clean matching socks would be good.

Reason #2: He listens and empathizes.
Here is what you hear when she talks to you:  “Blah blah blah blah, she’s talking behind my back! Blah blah blah, I can’t believe how horrible she is! Blah blah blah, she is destroying my life!  Blah blah blah blah, I look so fat! Blah blah blah.”

Here is what you are thinking when she is talking to you: “Wonder how long I have to take of this before she sleeps with me?”

Wrong and epic fail at the same time.  Open your ears first and the rest will follow.

Reason #3: He’s not thinking about sleeping with her all the time.
Want to know how to deal with a smoking hot supermodel?  Treat her like a regular human being.  Try to not always think about getting in her pants.

Review reason #2 as well.

Reason #4: He shares common interests with her.
We’re not saying do her hair.  Unless of course you’re a hair dresser, then that’s fine.  We’re saying try to share some common interests with your potential love interest and she may be down to be in your movie called life.

If you’re lucky, she may be down to be in your other movie as well.

Reason #5: He tells her she’s beautiful all the time without sounding like a creep.
Women love hanging around gay men because they boost their ego.  They tell them they’re beautiful and sexy without an ulterior motive.

The next time you tell a woman she is beautiful, try thinking “Renoir” instead of “Maxim”.

So now that you know the 5 secrets, I will let you in on the last, most helpful one that you can use to your advantage:  Her gay friend is into guys and you are not.

Advantage: you.

ESM

To create Essential Style for Men, mix 2 parts petrol, 1 part secret agent, 1 part rock and roll, 1 part hip-hop and a shot of tequila in a shaker with ice and vigorously shake for 20 seconds. Pour into a martini glass rimmed with explosives and have a supermodel serve for all your friends to enjoy.