Believe it or not, you were this guy once upon a time. Image courtesy of Ryan McVay/Photodisc/Thinkstock.

It’s that time of year again.

The time when all the prodigal sons (i.e. every son) decides to call his mom for mother’s day.  Obviously visiting your mom would be much better, but hey – we’re trying to be realistic here.

So here is a list of the top 5 reasons to call your mom on mother’s day:

Reason 1: You owe her money
You may not owe her money now, but I bet if we went back far enough, she has loaned you enough money to make it seem like a small mortgage.  Since you’re never going to pay her back, the least you could do is give her a call and tell her how much you love her.

Reason 2: She feeds you on a regular basis
Yeah dude, without her I know you would have starved to death at some point in your life.  You know the best home cooked food is at home.  Since you never pay the tab (see: Reason 1), you should call her.

Reason 3: She put up with all your shit
Remember that time at Toys R Us when you screamed that you hated her for not buying you that G.I. Joe with kung-fu grip?  What about that time you puked all over her bathroom and she helped you clean it?  Remember the time you got into trouble for that thing in Belize and she had to bail you out?

Yeah.  Call her.

Reason 4: She knows all your deepest, darkest secrets
You think you’re slick now because you keep everything on the low?  Unfortunately, if there was anyone that could blackmail you with some of the deepest and darkest secrest of your life, it would be your mom.  Thank God she isn’t vindictive because if she decided to blackmail you, it would be GAME OVER for that presidential bid you were thinking about.

Reason 5: It’s mother’s day
Buck up, man.  Give your mom a call, maybe send some Mothers Day flowers and tell her how much you love her.

ESM

To create Essential Style for Men, mix 2 parts petrol, 1 part secret agent, 1 part rock and roll, 1 part hip-hop and a shot of tequila in a shaker with ice and vigorously shake for 20 seconds. Pour into a martini glass rimmed with explosives and have a supermodel serve for all your friends to enjoy.